be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
