Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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