i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
