is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
