Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
