he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
