We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You pole danced in your parka.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
