eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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