dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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