i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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