I'm going to jail i love you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
