Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
