why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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