there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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