If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
