I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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