apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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