I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
