i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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