the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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