I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
