and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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