We're like a lot better than the average bears
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The air was thick with penises
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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