look no pants
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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