I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
