Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
