What tipped you off? The sombrero?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
