mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
