Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
