i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
