Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
