You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
