I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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