oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
