My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
