you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
