I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
