well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
