pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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