He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
