M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
