Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
