tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
