So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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