I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
