so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
