I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
