I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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