So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
