don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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