he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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